An Insatiable Desire for Nothing

“I don’t care.” 

I hear this said so often that I can’t help but consider what lies beneath such apathy.

In some cases, it seems that people really don’t care.  They don’t care if the customer is satisfied.  They don’t care if a colleague, or supervisor is disappointed.  They don’t care if a friend or loved one is hurt.  They don’t care if they personally fail. 

Seemingly, they are not impacted by potential consequences.  They may have discovered that they will not be held accountable, there are no consequences or the potential consequences are of no concern.  But it can also have an impact on their feelings.  They feel no pain, grief or discontent when things go wrong or end badly.  They have no fear of the future.  Such apathy can offer a safe and comfortable euphoria.    

Then there are those who say it in an effort to try to convince themselves that it’s true.  This is sometimes used when things have gone wrong and they are trying not to feel the consequential sting.  It can also be used in advance of outcomes to reduce the fear of facing negative consequences or feelings.

Apathy is like a drug - an insatiable desire for nothing.  It numbs us to the potentially negative feelings associated with outcomes.  If we don’t care then the outcomes don’t matter. 

 

But outcomes should matter.  They are a part of our life and numbing ourselves to outcomes is like disconnecting from life.  We then also become numb to potential joy, pride and triumph.

 

Pain is a frequent, normal and natural consequence of caring.  So is ecstasy.

Who Really Needs Help?

It seems that every time I interact with a business as a customer I get a gift.  Either I get a good experience or I get a lesson in how not to act with or around my customers.

I needed a few things for a project I was working on today and went to a local store to get them.  At checkout, the line was a bit long and it was obvious that the cashier was a bit overloaded.  A male employee came up to that part of the store and asked her if she need help (keen sense of the obvious).

She said she did and I thought he was going to help out.  Nope!  While standing amongst the customers, he yelled out, “We need help up front.”  Then he shook his head in disgust and walked off to do something else.

How would you guess this might have impacted me and the other customers in line?  One might wonder about how the people in this store get along.  One might wonder if he can expect to be treated the way the employees treat each other.  One might wonder if the disgust was an indication that others are lazy, indifferent or negligent.  And if that is the case, how might that impact my customer experience at other times.

Could he have handled that differently?  What would you have done in his shoes?

The way people perceive us, is the way they perceive our business.  That perception will always be based on our behavior – not just toward the customer but toward the world in general.  Most important, whether you are the owner, a manager or an employee at any level, the perception customers have of the business impacts your potential for success.

The Good, the Bad and the Customer

Interaction opportunities abound when traveling by air. It's also a great chance to review how the airlines interact with their customers. I had the luxury of participating in both on my most recent flight to California.

As we were ready to pull away from the gate for take off, the pilot announced that someone noticed fluid on the wing of the plane and there would be a short delay while it was investigated. A few moments later he came back on to tell us they had not yet determined the problem and it would be a little longer. He added that, to keep us informed, he would come back on every 15 minutes to provide updated information or advise us that nothing had changed.

Here is where it starts to get interesting.  Sitting next to me was Kathy Nolfo, a wonderful sales professional with Concur Technologies.  She had an app of theirs called Tripit. It consolidated all itinerary information and provided updates whenever anything changed.  She opened it and started getting updates on the flight status with revised departure times. 

As we talked about her business, she kept me posted each time the departure was delayed a bit further.  After some time, the pilot came through the cabin to tell us that nothing had changed and they had no updates.  It was nice of him to do this but it was significantly longer than the promised "every 15 minute" update.  When Kathy asked about the delay in getting back to us, he quickly dismissed her by saying she was wrong in her estimation of the lapsed time and moved on.  

A few minutes later, Kathy got information through her app that this fight was, in fact, being cancelled.  It provided the new departure time and gate details.  A few minutes after that, the pilot addressed us through the intercom announcing to all passengers that we would be deplaning and giving the new departure gate and time. Of course this was the same information Kathy and I has at least 15 minutes earlier. 

Any lessons here?

I want to compliment the airline for spotting the fluid, investigating the problem and keeping us safe. I would also point out that the two hour delay provided some excellent opportunities to strengthen the airline's relationship with its passengers.  

A bit of creativity might have made the wait more tolerable.  Moreover, some missteps actually lowered the airline's image regarding customer care. First, the pilot reached out with concern but failed to meet the expectations he established (updates every 15 minutes). Second, rather than acknowledging that and apologizing, he rudely corrected and dismissed the passenger that pointed it out.  Finally, and perhaps most important, accurate and available information was delayed in its journey from source to pilot to passengers.

How often does your rumor mill get out in front of the truth. How do delays in getting out information impact the image of your organization or the opinion employees have of management.  When this happens you may, in the best case, look inept or negligent. In the worst case you may look devious or inconsiderate. 

Providing timely and accurate information to those you serve will always show concern for them and for your relationship with them.  This can apply to everything from product recalls to the service tech's arrival time to preparation time on a meal.  Just remember that your image depends on meeting any expectations you establish. 

The pilot put an excellent spin on the event by pointing out how well the airline performed in "doing the right thing" regarding the leak and keeping us safe.  Somehow, I just didn't feel any better about the airline's real concern for me as a customer. 

Thanks to Kathy for a great conversation, accurate information, and a blog worthy interaction. 

A Trip Worth Taking

What could be better than having a positive impact on others. When I impact you in a positive way, not only does it lift you up, but it makes me feel good as well. Even more amazing is the indication that people observing acts that create positive impact have a similar release of serotonin and subsequent lift in spirits.

Positive impact is great at an individual level.  As a part of the culture of an organization, it becomes a driving force for success.  Organizations that have a positive impact on their customers and clients build long standing partnerships and awesome reputations.  The whole reason for concern with the quality of products and services is concern for the resulting impact.

When the pursuit of positive impact becomes a driving force within the organizational culture, we create, what I call, a Positive Impact Organization.  In a Positive Impact Organization, members at all levels recognize the value of positive impact.  There is a shared understanding that the source of impact is not limited to products and services, but is deeply rooted in the nature of our interactions -the way we treat those we serve.

In a Positive Impact Organization there is a shared understanding that every individual's personal performance and interaction skill is affected by the impact others have on them.  In the interest of mutual success, employers want to create a positive impact on employees and employees on employers. All members of the team or organization want to have a positive impact on each other. This desire to create a positive impact then spreads beyond the walls of the workplace to the community and others who may be interested in what we have to offer.

It is important to note that positive impact is not some level of excellence to be achieved.  Rather, it is an ongoing process that seeks innovations and methods which may enhance the nature of the impact we have on others.  In a Positive Impact Organization, everyone is on the journey - engaged in the pursuit of a more enhancing experience for all involved.

Now that is a trip worth taking. 

Positive Change?

Have you ever had that moment when you said to yourself, "I wish I hadn't done that; or, I wish I had..."  And how often were either of these followed by "but...."

And then come the reasons why - why we failed, didn't do what we intended or allowed some outside influence to hijack us and cause problems.  It wasn't our fault.  We couldn't help it.  We were tired or weakened or overcome.

Many of you will instantly recognize this as a bit of avoidance.  And what are we avoiding?  Accountability?  Perhaps, but the more powerful question is "Why?"  Why do we avoid accountability?  Why is this mental process so common?

I believe there is a simple answer to this question.  We want to like ourselves.  We simply don't want to think of ourselves as being bad people or not caring.  When something hits us that raises guilt or shame or implied wrongness we feel a push and instinctively push back.

We push back with reasons or excuses.  We push back with blame for others or outside infuences beyond our control.  We blame bad habits or bad upbringing.  We call ourselves victims.  We may even look to some deeply hidden character flaw that cannot be corrrected.  We push back with anything we can that will help us feel better about ourselves.

And so, we overcome the foe of self recrimination, feel better and go on.  Often that means going back - back to making the same mistakes with no postive change.  

How much better it would be if we could simply say.  "OK!  That didn't work out so well.  Now, what happened and what will I do different next time to improve the results?"

It is much less painful and far more helpful to look at postive change in the future rather than dwelling on negative judgement from the past.

You may also want to consider this the next time you want to see a positive change in someone else!

Balance the Equation

In my last blog, I talked about the impact of using fear as a method of exerting influence.  I've been asked, "If fear is not an option, what do we use instead?"

 

Encouragement!

 

In an economy based on connection and the need for strong relationships, it is far better to encourage others to do what we want than to threaten them with repercussions if they don't.

 

We need less focus on "or else" and more focus on "if then."  The typical fear promoter says, "Meet my expectations or suffer the consequences."  The relationship builder says "If you can meet my expectations, then these good things can happen."

 

So then people ask, "What about consequences?"  Yes, by all means we need consequences.  But consequences need not always relate to penalties for failure.  We also need to celebrate what we want to see more of.

 

There is a constant battle between the use of positive and negative reinforcement.  Surely, with so much riding on our ability to influence others, we can get creative enough to balance the equation. 

Be Very Afraid

Fear is a powerful motivator.

 

Just consider all the choices we make because of fear - fear that we will lose our job, that we will not get a raise, that we will fail, that "the boss" will be displeased.  And those are just a few of the motivators in the workplace.

 

Then there are the more general ones we deal with every day - fear that someone will not like or stop likening us, fear of guilt, fear of shame, fear of injury to reputation or image, fear of the loss of friendship or love.

 

Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear!!

 

And rest assured that savvy marketers know how to use fear to manipulate our choices.  You might miss out on the best deal.  You might not be "in" with the "in" crowd.  You might suffer injury or worse.  Your freedom may be in peril.  Your future is in jeopardy.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Here's another thing to consider about fear.  No one likes to be afraid.  That is the main reason it has such impact.  On the other hand, we are unable to attach oppositional feelings to the fear itself.  Instead, we most often resent or are angry at the source of the fear - the person or thing that creates it.

It might be good to consider this whenever thinking about using some aspect of fear to influence or motivate others.

 

The consequence of using fear as a motivator may be something to be feared.

Who's Pushing Whom

Conflict is an interesting game.

We think it is about the subject - about that issue being discussed. We think it is about arriving at that point of absolute truth which will tell us who is right and who is wrong. Of course, at the heart of this are two or more who are absolutely convinced that they are the ones gifted with the knowledge of what is right.

In most cases, the conflict is really about power and control. It is less about seeking the truth and more about seeking validation. Unfortunately, in most cases, that validation can only come by winning.

I liken the game to a pushing match. It generally starts by pushing points but rapidly escalates to pushing each other. Unfortunately, whenever we feel pushed, it is our human nature to push back. How do we push each other?

To describe that personal "push" I like to refer to actions or comments that prevent us from connecting and working together. In his book Living Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg describes a comment that prevents connection as one "...that sounds like an analysis, or a criticism, or that implies wrongness on their part."

I would add to this that we push others whenever we seek to invalidate them. This is done whenever we counter with statements that make their points appear small, unimportant or irrelevant. When we invalidate one's thoughts, we invalidate the person and that feels like a push.

The question should not be who's right, or who's pushing whom. The question should be who has enough strength of character to stop pushing.