A Trip Worth Taking

What could be better than having a positive impact on others. When I impact you in a positive way, not only does it lift you up, but it makes me feel good as well. Even more amazing is the indication that people observing acts that create positive impact have a similar release of serotonin and subsequent lift in spirits.

Positive impact is great at an individual level.  As a part of the culture of an organization, it becomes a driving force for success.  Organizations that have a positive impact on their customers and clients build long standing partnerships and awesome reputations.  The whole reason for concern with the quality of products and services is concern for the resulting impact.

When the pursuit of positive impact becomes a driving force within the organizational culture, we create, what I call, a Positive Impact Organization.  In a Positive Impact Organization, members at all levels recognize the value of positive impact.  There is a shared understanding that the source of impact is not limited to products and services, but is deeply rooted in the nature of our interactions -the way we treat those we serve.

In a Positive Impact Organization there is a shared understanding that every individual's personal performance and interaction skill is affected by the impact others have on them.  In the interest of mutual success, employers want to create a positive impact on employees and employees on employers. All members of the team or organization want to have a positive impact on each other. This desire to create a positive impact then spreads beyond the walls of the workplace to the community and others who may be interested in what we have to offer.

It is important to note that positive impact is not some level of excellence to be achieved.  Rather, it is an ongoing process that seeks innovations and methods which may enhance the nature of the impact we have on others.  In a Positive Impact Organization, everyone is on the journey - engaged in the pursuit of a more enhancing experience for all involved.

Now that is a trip worth taking. 

Positive Change?

Have you ever had that moment when you said to yourself, "I wish I hadn't done that; or, I wish I had..."  And how often were either of these followed by "but...."

And then come the reasons why - why we failed, didn't do what we intended or allowed some outside influence to hijack us and cause problems.  It wasn't our fault.  We couldn't help it.  We were tired or weakened or overcome.

Many of you will instantly recognize this as a bit of avoidance.  And what are we avoiding?  Accountability?  Perhaps, but the more powerful question is "Why?"  Why do we avoid accountability?  Why is this mental process so common?

I believe there is a simple answer to this question.  We want to like ourselves.  We simply don't want to think of ourselves as being bad people or not caring.  When something hits us that raises guilt or shame or implied wrongness we feel a push and instinctively push back.

We push back with reasons or excuses.  We push back with blame for others or outside infuences beyond our control.  We blame bad habits or bad upbringing.  We call ourselves victims.  We may even look to some deeply hidden character flaw that cannot be corrrected.  We push back with anything we can that will help us feel better about ourselves.

And so, we overcome the foe of self recrimination, feel better and go on.  Often that means going back - back to making the same mistakes with no postive change.  

How much better it would be if we could simply say.  "OK!  That didn't work out so well.  Now, what happened and what will I do different next time to improve the results?"

It is much less painful and far more helpful to look at postive change in the future rather than dwelling on negative judgement from the past.

You may also want to consider this the next time you want to see a positive change in someone else!

Balance the Equation

In my last blog, I talked about the impact of using fear as a method of exerting influence.  I've been asked, "If fear is not an option, what do we use instead?"

 

Encouragement!

 

In an economy based on connection and the need for strong relationships, it is far better to encourage others to do what we want than to threaten them with repercussions if they don't.

 

We need less focus on "or else" and more focus on "if then."  The typical fear promoter says, "Meet my expectations or suffer the consequences."  The relationship builder says "If you can meet my expectations, then these good things can happen."

 

So then people ask, "What about consequences?"  Yes, by all means we need consequences.  But consequences need not always relate to penalties for failure.  We also need to celebrate what we want to see more of.

 

There is a constant battle between the use of positive and negative reinforcement.  Surely, with so much riding on our ability to influence others, we can get creative enough to balance the equation. 

Be Very Afraid

Fear is a powerful motivator.

 

Just consider all the choices we make because of fear - fear that we will lose our job, that we will not get a raise, that we will fail, that "the boss" will be displeased.  And those are just a few of the motivators in the workplace.

 

Then there are the more general ones we deal with every day - fear that someone will not like or stop likening us, fear of guilt, fear of shame, fear of injury to reputation or image, fear of the loss of friendship or love.

 

Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear!!

 

And rest assured that savvy marketers know how to use fear to manipulate our choices.  You might miss out on the best deal.  You might not be "in" with the "in" crowd.  You might suffer injury or worse.  Your freedom may be in peril.  Your future is in jeopardy.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Here's another thing to consider about fear.  No one likes to be afraid.  That is the main reason it has such impact.  On the other hand, we are unable to attach oppositional feelings to the fear itself.  Instead, we most often resent or are angry at the source of the fear - the person or thing that creates it.

It might be good to consider this whenever thinking about using some aspect of fear to influence or motivate others.

 

The consequence of using fear as a motivator may be something to be feared.

Who's Pushing Whom

Conflict is an interesting game.

We think it is about the subject - about that issue being discussed. We think it is about arriving at that point of absolute truth which will tell us who is right and who is wrong. Of course, at the heart of this are two or more who are absolutely convinced that they are the ones gifted with the knowledge of what is right.

In most cases, the conflict is really about power and control. It is less about seeking the truth and more about seeking validation. Unfortunately, in most cases, that validation can only come by winning.

I liken the game to a pushing match. It generally starts by pushing points but rapidly escalates to pushing each other. Unfortunately, whenever we feel pushed, it is our human nature to push back. How do we push each other?

To describe that personal "push" I like to refer to actions or comments that prevent us from connecting and working together. In his book Living Nonviolent Communication, Marshall Rosenberg describes a comment that prevents connection as one "...that sounds like an analysis, or a criticism, or that implies wrongness on their part."

I would add to this that we push others whenever we seek to invalidate them. This is done whenever we counter with statements that make their points appear small, unimportant or irrelevant. When we invalidate one's thoughts, we invalidate the person and that feels like a push.

The question should not be who's right, or who's pushing whom. The question should be who has enough strength of character to stop pushing.

Nelson Mandela, the Leagacy

Over the past two days, many have written their own takes on what Nelson Mandela meant to them, to his country, to his people and to the world.  To me, the greatest legacy was his leadership.

He never lost sight of his vision.  No matter how great the obstacles or how difficult the trials he held to his belief that no human being should have to live under oppression.  His belief in the vision was so strong that even as he endured imprisonment and brutality, he moved positively forward toward realizing the future he sought.

He worked to build trust.  He didn’t seek revenge for those who tried desperately to break him, his people and the movement.  He didn’t use the majority to subjugate the minority.  Instead he demonstrated trust by working with them toward the equality and unity he held so dear. 

Most of all, he thought first of the people.  He didn’t seek power and control.  He sought to eliminate it.  He served the people and they made him their leader.  As in all cases, the leader becomes a leader only because the followers choose to follow.

Mandela was great in many ways and these three basic approaches to leadership can stand out for us all.  The beauty of this legacy is that Mandela used these traits to lead a county out of apartheid.  Any “would be” leader can use the same tactics to take a team, group or organization from dysfunction to a new and brighter future.

Actionable Intelligence

I am often asked to provide workshops regarding the delivery of feedback.  Recently, I developed a workshop on the best practices for obtaining feedback.  I called it Actionable Intelligence.

 

For some the term actionable intelligence is totally foreign.  Others may recognize it from its original military context.  It was used as early as the 1960’s to represent a piece of intelligence that was considered current, relevant and accurate enough to warrant immediate action.

It occurred to me that this term has a new and relevant application in our workplace. In fact, it has relevance in any aspect of our lives where we may seek improvement. What we really need, is actionable intelligence on ourselves. We need feedback from others that is reliable enough to guide our personal improvement efforts.

The need for feedback

Some may wonder why they need feedback from others. "After all," one may say, "I'm not getting any complaints." 

David Maister, author of Practice What You Preach, once offered an excellent response to this. “In life, the absence of complaints is not a dependable indicator of the absence of opportunities to improve.”  Complaints are a Form of feedback and the absence of them may actually be linked to our inability to obtain actionable intelligence.

You might be wondering why you can't just trust your own judgment.  How good is your judgment?  It is easy to develop blind spots regarding your own performance. It is also very hard to know what you don't know.  In some cases, you might even deceive yourself.

Illusions are an interesting aspect of life.  Some are perpetrated upon us while others are created totally within us.  Often, it's hard to tell the difference.  As AnthonyG. Greenwald put it "The ego is a self-justifying historian, which seeks only that information that agrees with it, rewrites history when it needs to, and does not even see the evidence that threatens it."

Obtaining feedback

When looking at feedback, I like to consider four specific types.

There are two categories. One is general performance which involves things like physical ability, decision making and technical skill.  The other is interaction skill which relates to how we impact others and our level of emotional intelligence.

We also can consider the two aspects of feedback. We sometimes get positive feedback which we refer to as praise.  The there are times when we get feedback that leans a little more negative and is called criticism.

I have conducted a number of workshop exercises where I pair people up and ask them to get a piece of feedback in each of the four possible types.  In most cases, they find that positive feedback in the area of general performance is the easiest to give.  This same type stands out as the easiest to take.

By contrast, they find it very difficult to give criticism, especially in the area of human interaction.  Often I hear a comment such as “I don’t know them well enough to offer criticism.”  Why do we find it easy to offer praise to someone we don’t know but so much more difficult to give criticism?  In fact, it appears that this is often true even with those we know quite well.

Truth and Trust

In order for the intelligence to be actionable, it needs to be accurate.  We need to get the truth.  But given the difficulties we have discussed, how likely is it that we actually get the truth?  How often, when we are giving feedback, do we feel compelled to be somewhat less Than candid?

The number one reason for a lack of honesty in giving feedback is the lack of trust.  The biggest concern is how we will react.  When someone says they don’t want to hurt our feelings or make us angry, they do not trust our ability to take criticism without being hurt or getting angry.

Coupled with this lack of trust is fear.  People fear the potential consequences.  The consequences they fear could include excuses, arguments, guilt, rejection and even retribution.   The level of dishonesty is generally proportional to level of fear.

A common manifestation of this can be seen in a condition often referred to as CEO disease.  The higher one grows in their career and position of authority, the more they need accurate feedback and the less likely they are to get it.  I have also noted that this follows in many other relationships.  The more important the relationship is to the feedback provider, the more cautious they may be.

The good news is that there are things we can do to overcome these fears and build higher levels of trust.  It can be helpful to look at what might be causing the lack of trust.  Trust is tied to judgment and expectations which are driven by one’s personal paradigm.

One’s paradigms are subject to what I call “the rule of 6 and 60.”  Judgments and expectations are based on the sum total of life’s experiences.  This includes experiences of 6 minutes ago and 60 years ago.  These include experiences the person has had with us as well as those they have had with others.

For example, if someone has a long history of conflict when trying to be open, that person is less likely to be open with you.  Similarly, if you have a history of over reacting to feedback, those who have experienced it or heard about it are likely to be less honest when talking with you.  Even if historic experiences have been positive, a recent negative reaction can cause a person to be less than trustful, even though it may not have involved you.

Building Trust

Armed with this understanding, we can identify some areas where we might have an impact on the level of trust and consequently on the levels of honesty and openness.

It is important to start by building a reputation for being open to criticism.  If you suspect that your reputation is already tarnished, you may need to acknowledge your concern and desire to improve.  You can then begin to demonstrate your resolve in one-on-one discussions or in open forums.

Formal approaches tend to stifle honesty.  Whenever possible, seek feedback in less formal settings.  If a person seems reluctant, you might ask what that person has heard from others.  This will take the focus (and potential blame) away from that person.  Remember, you don’t need to ask for names, just information.

Sometimes you can put a person more at ease by starting with a self critique and asking for his or her opinion or advice.  Through a number of workshop exercises, we have noted that the more specific you can be with a feedback question or request, the more candid and helpful the response will be.

When actually receiving feedback it is important to focus on listening skills.  Listen to learn.  Don’t argue, defend or explain.  Try not to react to what you are hearing.  Think of it as gathering information to evaluate later.  This can be difficult.  I tell people to look at it like running a Google search on you.  In our work on emotional intelligence we point out that it is not about “not” having emotion; rather, it is about not allowing the emotion to have you.

You can continue the trust building process with what you do after receiving the feedback.  Thank them for their input.  You may not like what you hear, but you need to appreciate the effort to be open and honest.

Inform the person of any action you intend to take as a result of the feedback.  It is not necessary to act on everything you hear.  However, it may be a good idea to find something of value that you can act on.  This will show that you value the process.  Finally, be sure to follow up with the person over time to get a read on your progress.

Honest, but reliable?

Up to this point, everything I have discussed has been about working toward getting our feedback to be open and honest.  I feel this is the most difficult and important part of actionable intelligence.  We cannot even consider feedback unless we know it is honest.  Moreover, the trust building process is a significant step In itself.  Achieving a level of trust that allows open, honest communication is critical to all of our personal and working relationships.

So let’s assume we have reached this pinnacle and folks are giving us candid opinions regarding our general performance and interaction skill.  Before we can use the information for improvement, we need to know that it is actionable.  It may be an honest opinion and still be inaccurate.  How can we tell?

Some have said that a good indicator may be how well the feedback aligns with what we already know.  The potential problem with this line of thinking is that most of us are subject to confirmation bias.  We tend to seek information that validates the beliefs we already hold.  Jonathan Haidt speaks of this in his book, The Righteous Mind.  Studies have shown that those with the lowest performance also have the least accurate view of themselves.

The best validation is generally obtained by comparing information from multiple sources.  Opinions on general performance may vary from person to person and accuracy tends to improve with sample size.  But when evaluating interaction skill, an honest statement of how you impact an individual personally will always be accurate.

Now what?

The final consideration is what to do with the intelligence we have obtained when we determine it is “actionable.”  The answer to this lies in your initial purpose for seeking the information.  Are you seeking feedback or validation!   No one likes criticism.  But we all can benefit from indentifying opportunities for improvement. While it feels great, validation will never give us anything we can actually use to improve.

Analyze the information to determine what is most useful.  Then look at what can be most readily acted on at the current time and in your current state.  This completes the definition of actionable.

Use it or lose it.  If you choose not to act on the intelligence, let it go.  Dwelling on things you choose not to change will only undermine your self esteem.  This actually hinders growth and stifles improvement.

In the end analysis, only you can uncover the benefits of actionable intelligence.